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"You lack commitment", "That's not professional", "Make an effort"... These little phrases, often uttered in the heat of the moment, can have far-reaching consequences: misunderstandings, tensions, blockages, demotivation. In many teams, it's not fundamental disagreements that generate conflict, but poorly formulated communication that's too vague or too abrupt.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a powerful alternative for changing the situation. Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, it is based on a simple, structuring framework: Observation, Feeling, Need, Demand (OSBD). This model helps to formulate messages that are clearer, more respectful and, above all, more effective, even in tense moments.
Here are 4 concrete reflexes to adopt to clarify your messages as a manager, avoid misunderstandings and install a more constructive exchange dynamic in your team.
The first essential reflex is to distinguish facts from judgments. This is where communication often goes awry. When frustrated, we tend to interpret or evaluate: "You didn't take it seriously", "You're not committed", "You're always late". This type of formulation is perceived as a reproach, or even an attack, making the exchange immediately conflictual.
What NVC proposes : describe facts in a factual, observable way. Start by saying what you've seen, heard or observed, without putting any intention or label on it. This provides a neutral, concrete framework.
Example:
Why it's key: You create a clear, non-accusatory starting point. The person you're talking to understands exactly what you're talking about, without feeling directly judged. This paves the way for a calmer discussion.
What you can put into practice: Before a one-to-one discussion or a meeting, take the time to write down the facts you want to talk about. Focus on concrete elements: a date, a behavior, a precise action. Avoid generalizations and assumptions.
Another underestimated lever: talking about yourself. As a manager, we often think we have to keep our emotions to ourselves, remain neutral, remain "professional". The result: exchanges become cold, tensions rise without anyone naming them, and employees fail to see the real impact of their actions.
What NVC proposes: express your feelings clearly and personally. It's not about "venting" or dramatizing, but simply saying how you felt about a given situation. This lends sincerity to your message and creates a more human climate.
Example:
Why it's useful: It shows that you are affected, without blaming the other person. You share an emotional reality, which encourages listening and empowerment.
What you can do: Before giving feedback, identify a simple emotion linked to the situation: frustration, anxiety, fatigue, relief, satisfaction. Then formulate it with a clear "I". Avoid vague ("I don't think it's great") or accusatory ("I'm disappointed in you") expressions.
Behind every tension or irritation, there is often an unsatisfied need: the need for clarity, recognition, cooperation, rhythm... But these needs often remain implicit. We hope the other person will understand, guess or change on their own. But until they are formulated, they cannot be heard.
What NVC proposes is to express explicitly what is important to you in the situation. This enables you to move away from the logic of evaluation or reproach, towards a more constructive exchange.
Example "I need visibility on the project's progress, so I can prioritize the team's topics."
Why it's useful : The need expresses a legitimate motivation. It gives meaning to your request. It also enables the employee to understand why the situation poses a problem, without feeling judged or criticized.
What you can put into practice: Before an exchange, ask yourself, "What am I really looking for in this situation?" "What am I trying to preserve or strengthen?" Identify one or two key needs, and formulate them simply.
The last stage, often overlooked, is the request. Once you've described the situation, shared your feelings and named your needs, it's time to formulate what you want in concrete terms. Too often, managers stop at vague formulations: "Make an effort", "Be more reactive", "Do you know what I mean?".
What NVC suggests: make a specific, achievable request that's open to exchange. A good request specifies an action, a time frame and a clear intention.
Example : " Can you send me your schedule every Monday morning before 10am, so that we can better coordinate our actions?"
Why it's useful: You get out of the vagueness. The employee knows what you expect, by when, and why. You don't give an order, you propose a framework that can be discussed or adjusted.
Put into practice: For each point of friction, transform your implicit expectations into explicit requests. Ask them openly ("can you...?", "would it be possible to...?"), and be ready to adjust according to your interlocutor's constraints or proposals.
Clarifying your messages doesn't mean smoothing things over at all costs. It's about assuming your managerial responsibility while respecting the person in front of you. NVC does not seek to soften messages, but to make them audible, constructive and motivating.
These 4 reflexes will help you get your messages across more effectively on a daily basis. They avoid misunderstandings, defuse tensions and reinforce the quality of the relationship. Adopting this posture means setting up a clearer, more humane and more effective framework. And it lays the foundations for demanding management, where everyone knows where they're going and why. If you want to go further, NUMA offers a workshop dedicated to Non Violent Communication.
"You lack commitment", "That's not professional", "Make an effort"... These little phrases, often uttered in the heat of the moment, can have far-reaching consequences: misunderstandings, tensions, blockages, demotivation. In many teams, it's not fundamental disagreements that generate conflict, but poorly formulated communication that's too vague or too abrupt.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a powerful alternative for changing the situation. Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, it is based on a simple, structuring framework: Observation, Feeling, Need, Demand (OSBD). This model helps to formulate messages that are clearer, more respectful and, above all, more effective, even in tense moments.
Here are 4 concrete reflexes to adopt to clarify your messages as a manager, avoid misunderstandings and install a more constructive exchange dynamic in your team.
The first essential reflex is to distinguish facts from judgments. This is where communication often goes awry. When frustrated, we tend to interpret or evaluate: "You didn't take it seriously", "You're not committed", "You're always late". This type of formulation is perceived as a reproach, or even an attack, making the exchange immediately conflictual.
What NVC proposes : describe facts in a factual, observable way. Start by saying what you've seen, heard or observed, without putting any intention or label on it. This provides a neutral, concrete framework.
Example:
Why it's key: You create a clear, non-accusatory starting point. The person you're talking to understands exactly what you're talking about, without feeling directly judged. This paves the way for a calmer discussion.
What you can put into practice: Before a one-to-one discussion or a meeting, take the time to write down the facts you want to talk about. Focus on concrete elements: a date, a behavior, a precise action. Avoid generalizations and assumptions.
Another underestimated lever: talking about yourself. As a manager, we often think we have to keep our emotions to ourselves, remain neutral, remain "professional". The result: exchanges become cold, tensions rise without anyone naming them, and employees fail to see the real impact of their actions.
What NVC proposes: express your feelings clearly and personally. It's not about "venting" or dramatizing, but simply saying how you felt about a given situation. This lends sincerity to your message and creates a more human climate.
Example:
Why it's useful: It shows that you are affected, without blaming the other person. You share an emotional reality, which encourages listening and empowerment.
What you can do: Before giving feedback, identify a simple emotion linked to the situation: frustration, anxiety, fatigue, relief, satisfaction. Then formulate it with a clear "I". Avoid vague ("I don't think it's great") or accusatory ("I'm disappointed in you") expressions.
Behind every tension or irritation, there is often an unsatisfied need: the need for clarity, recognition, cooperation, rhythm... But these needs often remain implicit. We hope the other person will understand, guess or change on their own. But until they are formulated, they cannot be heard.
What NVC proposes is to express explicitly what is important to you in the situation. This enables you to move away from the logic of evaluation or reproach, towards a more constructive exchange.
Example "I need visibility on the project's progress, so I can prioritize the team's topics."
Why it's useful : The need expresses a legitimate motivation. It gives meaning to your request. It also enables the employee to understand why the situation poses a problem, without feeling judged or criticized.
What you can put into practice: Before an exchange, ask yourself, "What am I really looking for in this situation?" "What am I trying to preserve or strengthen?" Identify one or two key needs, and formulate them simply.
The last stage, often overlooked, is the request. Once you've described the situation, shared your feelings and named your needs, it's time to formulate what you want in concrete terms. Too often, managers stop at vague formulations: "Make an effort", "Be more reactive", "Do you know what I mean?".
What NVC suggests: make a specific, achievable request that's open to exchange. A good request specifies an action, a time frame and a clear intention.
Example : " Can you send me your schedule every Monday morning before 10am, so that we can better coordinate our actions?"
Why it's useful: You get out of the vagueness. The employee knows what you expect, by when, and why. You don't give an order, you propose a framework that can be discussed or adjusted.
Put into practice: For each point of friction, transform your implicit expectations into explicit requests. Ask them openly ("can you...?", "would it be possible to...?"), and be ready to adjust according to your interlocutor's constraints or proposals.
Clarifying your messages doesn't mean smoothing things over at all costs. It's about assuming your managerial responsibility while respecting the person in front of you. NVC does not seek to soften messages, but to make them audible, constructive and motivating.
These 4 reflexes will help you get your messages across more effectively on a daily basis. They avoid misunderstandings, defuse tensions and reinforce the quality of the relationship. Adopting this posture means setting up a clearer, more humane and more effective framework. And it lays the foundations for demanding management, where everyone knows where they're going and why. If you want to go further, NUMA offers a workshop dedicated to Non Violent Communication.
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